Perhaps I’ll be welcomed once more, into my own mind.

Urges. Pull. Pick. Feel. Search. Just. One. Hair.

                Thieves is what they are, thieves that consume me from the inside out. They wriggle their way into every crevice within the corners of my mind, waiting to pounce like creatures of the night at the earliest opportunity. For a moment of peace, they wait. They hunt the peace I strive so hard to find. When peace is found, for only a moment, I have won. The thieves are gone, the corners of my mind are open once again, waiting to be explored. I relish in this delight, a mind with neither boundaries nor darkness. While enjoyable, this time is short lived, for soon enough a thief find its way back to its favorite corner. He waits, preys, and stalks. Then without a moment’s notice he pounces. He fails though. I shoo him away and once again peace is restored.  Soon though, the darkness, the thieves, manage to find their way back and this time they bring accomplices, accomplices with a hunger that must be satisfied. A hunger for peace. The urges, the picking, the pulling, the feeling, and the searching, they are all here now, taunting me. They are all shouting one after the other, eventually all over each other. I fight and I try to push them out. I know how to fight them, I have won this battle many times over. Yet no matter how hard I try they close in on me. The corners of my mind grow darker, their voices get louder, and the urges get stronger. My strength and my will dissolve and finally they consume me. How could I ever fight them all if I am only one tiny human being, so many thieves and only one of myself? Yet again my peace is taken from me and once more I am defeated. Perhaps someday I’ll find my way back into my own mind. Perhaps I’ll be welcomed once more into my own thoughts.

For many days I search for a sliver of light. Even the tiniest sliver would be better than this darkness. I hunt for a light that will guide me away from the thieves and back to my own mind. Day after day I struggle to find the peace that I once had. I have found it before; I know that I have or else I would not know what peace is. So why, why is it so hard to find once again? Everywhere I turn all I see is darkness. I may be running in circles and not even know it. The urges, the thieves, they taunt me endlessly. The moment I feel I have escaped them they sneak right back up, take me and throw me down. Once more I succumb to the thieves, and my will deteriorates further. Maybe there are just too many thieves. Maybe I’m not meant to be my own hero in this story.


 

Days have passed and suddenly something unfamiliar appear in the distance. It’s so far away, i think I may almost be imagining it, yet is has a sense of familiarity, as if I have seen it before. I wonder, where am I? What could that be, this mysterious object that is so far away, yet seems so close. I walk towards the object, shaky and timid, It seems to be a light… the closer I get the bright it becomes. This light, is just within my reach, and now it is blinding. All that was once dark is now light. How could it be possible? I must be dreaming. This is not my mind, it couldn’t possibly be. The thieves are nowhere to be found. The darkness, I can see it, but it lies beyond the horizon. I wander aimlessly, searching for anything that might give me a hint as to where I am. As I wander something bright catches my eye. I am curious and I no longer fear what it may be. I pick it up, a shard of glass, and in it I see myself. I see myself if the simplest form of being. I am there.  I am, once again, present in my own mind. I almost don’t even recognize this place, a place within myself, a place I have been searching for for so long. You would think I would know it straight away, yet I don’t. I hardly even know what to do. What do I do with all this space? I don’t even know If I could ever fill it all. Suddenly I realize that I do not have an answer to that question. There is no answer. Finally I am here, and here I can be anyone, go anywhere, do anything. I can fill this space with whatever I desire. I am finally free, and free I shall remain.

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